Joshua the Bum

Matthew 25: 31-40

I was guilt tripped into working with my fiancée at the soup kitchen today. She always has this compulsion to help those that are less fortunate. Which is totally a good thing, don’t get my wrong. I just feel like one less soup-scooper isn’t going to make that big of a difference.

“Babe, this is really important to me. I want us to impact the world together.”

I mean, how do you make statements like that? Change the world together? Why can’t we just go to work and enjoy our time watching a movie together? I have plenty of money to make this girl happy, but she always insists on doing something that is “productive.” I don’t see how one full stomach of awful soup is going to change the world. But, I’m marrying the girl for a reason. It’s just hard to turn down those blue eyes and killer smile. So I went to the soup kitchen. I did it all. Flower-crusted apron, plastic gloves, hair net… I went the whole nine yards.

My fiancée Sadie was ecstatic about each person that walked up to her for a bowl of soup. She made it her goal to let each one know how loved they were, even though they didn’t seem too interested. Her world revolved around these people that were beyond help.

“They just want soup hun, they’re not too interested in knowing that you love them unconditionally.”

Sadie was really into the bible and always talked about “shining her light,” and “loving on others.” It sounded pretty corny to me. And I was doing the same thing she was without buying into all of that ideological bull. Wasn’t I also looking after the widows and the orphans just as much as she was when she dragged me to these things? I’m doing all the right things, which makes me good in God’s book, so why worry about all this biblical nonsense? Sadie would say that it gives her a quality of life that she couldn’t have otherwise. She always talked about joy, and how I couldn’t only experience it after an encounter with her God.

And this joy was giving Sadie a smile that was starting to get to me. I didn’t see how she could be enjoying this. We were in a homeless shelter/soup kitchen. The smell of urine, and body odor was overpowering. The paint was chipping, the food was stale, and the profanity, and oppression were hovering in the room making it an absolute torturous experience to be a part of. But hey, I’m only here for 3 more hours, and it will give me major bonus points with the girl.

Then something great happened! We ran out of soup. There was nothing more to serve; therefore we get to leave an hour and a half earlier… false. Sadie casually walked up to me with that sweet innocent smile on her face.

“Bryan, Let’s go hang out with these people, and let them know that they’re just as good as we are.”

Everything within me wanted to do the absolute opposite. I cocked an eyebrow towards Sadie and let her know what I was thinking.

“Babe, I understand that these people are human, but they’re not as good as us. I make 75 grand a year, pay taxes and vote. They just don’t really have much to live for. I’m pretty sure anything we have to say to them isn’t going to make a difference.”

Bad move.

“Bryan, sometimes I just don’t understand how you can be so cold. You think because you live in a nice house and drive a BMW that you are a higher-level species than these people? That’s really disappointing.”

She gave me the misty eyed stare of death and sat in the middle of a clump of filthy stinky, starving women that didn’t quite know how to react to her. What was I supposed to do? It had to all be a façade. I can understand her feeling obligate out of misplaced sense of religious duty to be with these wretches, but the fact that her faith compelled her, and even allowed her to take pleasure in such a thing had to have been some sort of psychological disorder. No one in there right mind could enjoy this. It was like running on the treadmill… no one likes it, but when your done you get the sense of accomplishment that you did the right thing. I told the man in charge of the soup kitchen that I was leaving, that I had some errand to go on for work. Which was a total lie.

I remember angrily driving away from the broken-down shelter and feeling Sadie’s words burn into my mind. I knew the mental arguing was about to get started; sometimes Sadie could make me feel so frustrated. “I am a better type of person! I give to charities, and buy lunches for my friends and keep in touch with my family. How can she see those bums as equivalent to her future husband?” To be honest I was feeling jealousy. I kept playing the scene in my head over and over until I noticed the needle on my gas gage was well passed the “E.” Before I was outside of the poorer part of the city I had pulled up to a broken down gas station with bars on the windows. As I stepped outside and started filling up my car, I realized how unsafe I felt. I looked all around the neighborhood and realized that I was still in the midst on an inhuman civilization. Kids were running around with clothes too big or too small. Men were on the corners suspiciously talking while nervously glancing over their shoulders, I heard women in apartments screaming, sirens blaring, and babies crying. I was the one out of place. My sleek car, and designer jeans were certainly drawing some attention. Ok, I won’t fill up; I’ll just get enough gas to get me out of here I thought. I couldn’t get out of the smoggy worthless community fast enough.

I quickly rushed into the gas station passing a bum that was sitting at the entrance. He gave me a big toothless grin, and I noticed that his left eye was milky white. He probably got in a fight I thought. My mind immediately played out a scene with this man arguing with a drug dealer, the toothless man was out of money because his drug addiction got him fired, and now he couldn’t pay up for the “goods” and as a result he got a blow to the face with some gangster weapon that destroyed his vision. And if that didn’t happen it was probably something worse.

As I got closer, his stench was suffocating me. There was no form or charm he had to attract anyone. No beauty to win anyone’s heart. He was a man at the end of his rope with no one to comfort or love him. I had to get by him as soon as possible before he asked me for money.

I casually slipped by without making eye contact. And nearly sprinted to the counter and whipped out my credit card to pay for my gas. The man at the counter eyed me suspiciously looking at my jeans, loafers, and button down shirt. He somehow was able to hold his cigarette in his mouth by barely clinging on the end with just his bottom lip. He swiped the card without taking his eyes off me.

“BEEP.” Went the register.

The man finally released his icy stare and looked down at the machine. He swiped the card again.

“BEEP.”

“Boy is this some kinda joke?” The man took the cigarette out with his hand in between his index finer and thumb, and stuck out his chin.

“What do you mean? There should be tons of money in my account.”

“Well it ain’t workin’. And you need to figure out a way to get $12.63 into this cash register or we’re going to have some problems.”

I rifled through my wallet knowing full well there wouldn’t be a penny in it. What in the world am I going to do? This guy means business and I have no way of paying.

“Let me call someone real qui…”

“Boy you better pay now. I’ve been conned out of too much money to let some rich white boy go Scott free because he thinks he’s better than me.”

My jaw dropped open, I had no clue what to do or say. Just then the toothless, white-eyed-man walked in. His shirt was patchy to the point that you could see his ashy black skin through his clothes, his boots were barely wearable and his white hair was a tattered mess, let alone the chaos of his unkempt facial hair.

“What seems to be the problem here boys?” Came his raspy voice accompanied by that deformed grin.

“This boy is about to get what’s coming to him… stay out of this old man.”

All I could do was look around in bewilderment.

“How much does he owe?”

“More than you got.”

“How much?” The smile was fading from the bum’s face. He was starting to get serious.

After a pause, the cashier mouthed off, “$12.63.”

The homeless man was carrying a trash bag slung over his shoulder, and he laid it on the ground and started foraging through the mess. The clanking was absolutely embarrassing. The cashier and I could only watch as the man made a fool of himself in front of us both. The clanking suddenly stopped, and the huge smile was once again plastered over his face. He walked over to the cashier and me and slammed a beautiful gold ring on the counter.

“That should do it!” The homeless man exploded in the most contagious laughter. He clapped me on the back and walked straight out of the gas station. The cashier eagerly snagged the ring and motioned for me to get out. Sprinting out of the store, I realized I had to speak with the toothless man who just saved my skin. He was sitting in the same place with the same smile.

“Hello.” I said to him.

“Hey there boy. Did you get enough gas to get home?”

“Yes sir.”

“Don’t call me sir, son. I’m a friend now. What’s your name?”

“Bryan.”

“Bryan! Good strong name!” He started laughing as he said it.

Sadie’s words started to resonate with me again. This is a perfect opportunity for me to make this man feel human. “Sir can I give you a ride anywhere?”

“Sure son. Sounds great.”

We started walking towards my car, and to be honest I wanted to lay down towels before he got it, but I figured he might take offense.

We got inside my BMW, and I had to hold my breath because of the smell. I started the car and slowly pulled out of the God-forsaken gas station. “Where do you want to go?”

“Wherever you feel like we should go, I’ve got no place to lay my head down, so it doesn’t matter much to me.” This was of course followed by his explosive belly laughs.

“I need some direction.”

“You sure do.”

“What does that mean.”

“It means you need to figure our what you’re doing.” The laugh returned.

“Are we talking about this ride?”

“Son we are talking about life.”

“I know where I am going! I’m flying up the ladder at a successful business, and my portfolio is…”

“Boy that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean what you are doing.”

I wasn’t in the mood to play stupid riddle games with a homeless man that thought he was some type of philosopher just because he had nothing to do but think on the side of the road all day. So I decided to pressure him to see what the real answer was that he was getting at. “What are you doing then?”

“I’m enjoying my life, and trying to show others what life is really all about.”

“That’s a big job, but I think I got it figured out.” I was racking my brain trying to give him some philosophical answer. The pale moonlight was making the milky white-eye glow, and I could feel Joshua’s growing anticipation to hear what I thought was the meaning of my life. “Happiness.” Came my sloppy reply.

“That’s a good one son. But happiness only gets you so far.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean there are happy people that live useless lives.”

“So what do you think the answer is?”

“A man needs meaning and purpose.” Joshua suddenly became very serious.

“And how do you get meaning and purpose O Mighty Joshua?” My sarcasm didn’t faze him at all. He stared me down without saying a word. His eyes pierced through me, it felt like marrow and bones were being separated under his power. “Pull-over” he calmly stated with solemnity that could not be defied. So I did. Once I was on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere I started to get a little fearful. There was nothing around but dark trees and the moonlight, we were halfway between the country and the city.

“To get meaning and purpose, you need an encounter with something that is greater that yourself. But you seem to be in a state where you think of yourself as the greatest thing there is.”

I pursed my lips in frustration, but let’s face it… he had a point.

Without even asking my permission, he raised a shaky hand towards me and I felt his warm sweaty palm graze my cheek.

I immediately was convulsing under the mysterious power of this man who could not be human. I could feel the warmth of his smile over me as my vision began to warp and change. The man sitting in the passenger seat of my car was transformed into a gorgeous man that was glowing in beauty that cannot be explained. It wasn’t a reflection of light from the moon or anything else, he was illuminating all that was around him. His hair had now become white as snow, and his eyes were burning like fire. I could barely withstand looking upon his face that shone brighter than the sun. My senses were on absolute overload, I smelt the most breathtaking scents: flowers, sweets, honey, apples, and other fruits, my ears were as if I was hearing a majestic symphony that had never been written, and my skin was in a state of pleasure that was nearly painful. The bliss of being in the presence of this mysterious power couldn’t end! And if it did I would spend my life achieving this state again. He began to speak and each syllable was filled with peals of thunder that violently shook my car. “Drink deeply of this feeling Bryan. You won’t ever want anything else to satisfy your thirst if you do. Drink as much as you can, and all the time, and you will experience a level of living that you only thought could be reached in your dreams.”

As the sensations were ending I was left in a pool of sobs. I looked over to see Joshua once more in hope of experiencing the bliss that was too good to accurately describe. He was gone. Nowhere to be found. The door had never opened or shut, he had vanished from my car.

I had realized that day that I thought I could change the life of those beneath me. But when I actually stepped beyond what I was comfortable with, I had an encounter with a homeless man that augmented me with meaning and purpose. The affection, love, and power I felt that day is something I want to experience everyday for the rest of my life, and include everyone on earth into that feeling of love. To live without it isn’t living at all.